today i found out two of my childhood friends are pregnant. i was in both of their weddings over the past few years and i'm so happy to hear about their good news. i want to say i didn't feel a weird pang of longing. LET me be clear: not for a baby or even a wedding... but just for that experience of something hugely joyful. life has been difficult these past few months and i could use a big shot of joy. i've been thinking... to the point of obsessing... about life back in vermont. i miss it. i drunkenly told zach this weekend that it causes me actual pain to remember it. i know it's hard for him to hear it and i want to grow up and toughen up and shut the hell up.
i started a new job today and it was fine and things are fine and i am fine. and i know things will one day be great again and i'll feel happy again. does anyone else out there in this giant world know what i mean though? when nostalgia and memories and simple life and hindsight just pile up?
i've been dreaming of snakes every night lately. if you're into dream stuff, which i am, this can mean that a person is dealing with unsettled or difficult emotions, especially if there is fear involved. last night i dreamt of snakes loose in the room i was in and of snakes coiled up in the couch. it's terrible stuff, man.
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