getagrip.

today i found out two of my childhood friends are pregnant.  i was in both of their weddings over the past few years and i'm so happy to hear about their good news.  i want to say i didn't feel a weird pang of longing.  LET me be clear: not for a baby or even a wedding... but just for that experience of something hugely joyful. life has been difficult these past few months and i could use a big shot of joy. i've been thinking... to the point of obsessing... about life back in vermont.  i miss it. i drunkenly told zach this weekend that it causes me actual pain to remember it. i know it's hard for him to hear it and i want to grow up and toughen up and shut the hell up.

i started a new job today and it was fine and things are fine and i am fine.  and i know things will one day be great again and i'll feel happy again. does anyone else out there in this giant world know what i mean though? when nostalgia and memories and simple life and hindsight just pile up?

i've been dreaming of snakes every night lately.  if you're into dream stuff, which i am, this can mean that a person is dealing with unsettled or difficult emotions, especially if there is fear involved.  last night i dreamt of snakes loose in the room i was in and of snakes coiled up in the couch. it's terrible stuff, man.

sleep to dream

my horoscope {capricorn} today read like this:

"It's important to realize how much information your dreams contain. They're a wonderful source of necessary information -- and even more so right now..."

i give no real credence to horoscopes... but it did strike me because lately i've been having the strangest dreams i've ever had.

here are the most common elements of my dreams lately and what they could mean:

snakes: To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you.  Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.
tidal waves: To see a tidal wave in your dream, represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands your attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside for too long. On a positive note, the tidal wave symbolizes the clearing away of old habits.
water: To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to take some time to cleanse your mind and find internal peace.
elevators: In general, the up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious.

eek! unlike horoscopes, i do believe there is merit to figuring out what your brain is trying to tell you in your sleep.  i just wish mine had some better news!