5 things

despite the above forecast for this week, i can't make myself feel gloomy.  there's just too much greatness to look forward to.  so let's play 5 things:

1. my sister friend courtney's baby shower.  let's be honest, showers usually aren't the most fun thing a woman does... but courtney is unlike any woman i know.  she's silly and goofy and beautiful and about to be the best momma a kid could ask for.  there's honestly nothing i'd rather do.  plus, after the shower part we head back to her house where her husband jon will be waiting with a fire-pit, drinks, and more friends.

2. wedding in newport with my sweet.  gettin' dressed up and slow dancing with zach in a newport mansion while 2 great people get married? heck yes. 

3. friday june 3: the avett brothers w/ john oates in burlington, vt. the show is outdoors.  i'll wear a hat. it will be awesome.  even if it rains.  i'll wear my rain boots and sing along to every song.

4.  our trip to ft wayne, in.  nervous/excited/completely looking forward to it.  i've heard about baseball games, jk's, mexican food, and a million other things.  but mostly i just want to meet the people most important to the person most important to me.

5. july.

tough love?

this past sunday, on my drive home from vermont, i decided i'd go straight over to my aunt and uncle's house in marshfield.  i knew there was dinner and an intense scrabble game happening, so i thought i'd join. it was a really good afternoon; i didn't win scrabble, i ate too much, and hadn't showered but it felt good to see family.

after dinner and the game, we congregated in the living room for cupcakes.  my uncle asked about my job, wondering why, after 3 years, had i not moved on... my face got red, i had no answer for him.  all i could think about was how embarrassed i felt and how my newly graduated cousin was probably going to be making more at her finance job. he was right. i wasn't mad or hurt i just felt tired and beat down.  it got me thinking about why my priorities are different from most people, why money isn't my biggest motivator, and most importantly, what would make me truly happy (career wise)?

it's only been two days since my conversation with my uncle so i'm still not a high powered business woman or an accomplished author but i'm hoping to have a better answer for him before our next scrabble game.

alone in a forest, singing a chorus. fearless.

you can only eat caterpillars for so long, before a beautiful butterfly emerges from your mouth.  an emerald, an anthem, a song.

thursday i'll see my family for thanksgiving.  my brother is buying a house in the area.  it's on a lake and there's a big ol forest/park behind it.  my running shoes are packed.  i've never felt more like i need to be outside, getting lost in the trees.  there's nothing in the world that gives me such clarity as running outside.  i got away from running for awhile but i'm back into it now... the perspective and relief it brings is exactly what was missing.  it made me wonder what other people do when they need a question answered or help seeing life more clearly.  so.  fill me in.  what your "thing"? 

work really hard.

i used to be so afraid to say who i was - even the small things: that i like john mayer, that i get nervous at parties where i don't know anyone, that some nights (a lot of nights) i'd rather stay in and watch the burbs while we make dinner, that i don't know much about politics, that doritos are the most delicious food on the planet, that it hurts like a knife when you talk about other girls, that i'm a morning person, that i regret not being more focused in college, that sometimes i'd rather listen to katy perry than NPR, that i'm embarrassed of my job and my tiny apartment, that i love writing but i'm scared i'll fail if i try, that i've never felt worth much because i have an older brother who people worship, that i like my coffee milky and sugary... 
ok... i guess some of those things aren't such small things... but the point is, i used to be so afraid to just be honest about the person i am.  i feel lost sometimes.  but i am committed to change. to honesty. and to opening up my mind. 
i love conan... his new show is coming on soon so i'll leave you with some very smart words from a very awesome dude:

All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.



— Conan O’Brien